I do like a nice tidy inbox.
Stop sniggering at the back puh-lease! It’s you again isn’t it? It’s always you.
I am, of course, referring to my email account. I’ve been working on tidying it up as, really, 10,000 emails is way too much and it’s making me twitchy. Especially when most of them seem to be from the Freecycle List I joined a year and a half ago.
What with Life kinda catching up with me and battering me around the head a bit I’ve let things slip. I took my eye off the ball for a couple of months and BAM! 10,000 emails find themselves sitting in my inbox, which previously had been shinier than a new pin.
The Freecycle List is a useful thing for many people but, for me, it’s been a bit pointless and now is just an onerous chore as I Delete, Delete, Delete. I signed up so we could get rid of some of our old baby clothes and toys. As my ex-wife and I divorced the decisions for getting rid of things were taken by her and so I never put anything on the list. I never submitted an email saying ‘Offered: Lots and lots and lots of baby shizzle.’
People offer stuff on this Freecycle List, there’s usually over 50 things offered a day, and usually they are snapped up vair quickly. And so you get one email offering ting, another saying ting gwan subject to collection and then, maybe it comes on again if someone hasn’t collected it, and then withdrawn again, etc etc etc. But people do offer some random stuff. I mean, who wants a broken chair? A broken person perhaps?
And there are the ‘Wanted’ emails, people asking for stuff that others, maybe, no longer need. Some of these make my eyes roll as I think ‘You’ve got two hopes of getting a PS3 cockerchumpy.’ At Christmas someone asked anyone if they had a laptop so they could give it to their wife as a Christmas present. That doesn’t just take the biscuit, it breaks into the biscuit barrel and snaffles the whole lot. But if you don’t ask you don’t get I guess.
My favourite one, was a somewhat surreal one but I’ll detail it here. It simply said;
Wanted: A dead horse.
Hi. I’m doing an art project and I wonder if anyone has a dead horse. Thanks.
It caused a bit of controversy as some of the people responded to this calling it ‘sick’ and ‘disgusting.’ I don’t think the request was as such. I think having a dead horse lying about might be a bit sicker and a bit more disgustifying but that’s just me.
Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete, Delete. On I went deleting email after email. ‘Offered: Wardrobe. Bit Broken.’ ‘ Wanted: Old pants.’ ‘Offered: Hardcore porn dating from the 1970s’. ‘Wanted: One boot to match another which I lost.’ Delete. Delete. Delete.
Some things, obviously, in my inbox are special but some other things I must delete. Notifications of all the train journeys I’ve made recently. I kept them as they remind me of great times but I must delete them. Looking back on them may make me sad one day. Delete. Delete. Delete.
A picture, sent when passions were high. Shall I keep it? Yes. Will I regret keeping it at some point? Who knows. If needs be I can delete it then. But not now. Not now when I’m going through and finding…
Offered: Tins of cat food.
Offered: One cat bed.
Offered: One cat scratching post.
All we need now is for someone to offer a cat and we have the full house.
I’m down to under 3,000 now and still have more to go obvs nobs. I’ve been chipping away at it for a week and it’s feels like I’ve achieved something. I still think about deleting some personal things. I’m not sure why I do but that’s just me I guess and I’ve still yet to work me out. Perhaps I don’t want to see them and feel a surge of emotion that will make me think of something lost. I don’t know if I want to be swept up in a wave of heady, gorgeous nostalgia only to find myself wet and lying naked on a pebble beach of my own stupidity. I’ll decide at another time.
But right now, I’m not deleting anything else because my thumb hurts.
And so, your inbox. Massive or nice and tidy? Or don’t you give a shit? And are you on a Freecycle list, and if so, what’s the most random thing you’ve ever seen listed? Or the most useful thing you’ve ever got?
All comments in my nice shiny and tidy comments slot, if you please.
And, as always, thanks for reading.