I’ll cry because things make me sad. Some things in life make me sad. Sometimes.
…because my soul feels heavy and I can’t explain myself any other way.
…because sometimes I can’t show my emotions in any other way.
…because I have to. And I can’t stop until I’m done.
So please don’t tell me to stop. When I’m crying I don’t know any other way. If I could use words I would. If I could express myself through the medium of dance or mime I would. I’d prefer it to this as you’ve just told me to stop. And now I feel shit for crying.
But you told me to stop, and and I guess you didn’t want to see me doing so. You couldn’t do anything other than tell me to stop.
You couldn’t hold me. You couldn’t think of what I’m going through for two seconds and then hold me again. If I cry on your shoulder, if I sob and let it out then please be there for me. If I cry so you feel it, feel me shaking against you then hold me closer then I’ll know that it’s okay.
But you couldn’t do that and that’s okay. Not all of us can.
I know when I cry I pull a funny face. I’ve seen me do it. I look all crumpled and shit and my face does odd things I can’t control. I make noises I can’t control. I sob and that noise is the sound of the sadness coming from my insides. Pouring out of every bit of me. I know it’s not always a good thing to see.
But please don’t tell me to stop. Once you start to cry you need to let it out so you CAN stop. And I would never say that to you.
I’ll hold you. I’ll let you cry and I’ll listen. I’ll make a cup of tea and try to tell you everything will be okay. And if it’s not then I’ll do what I can to fix it.
But don’t tell me to stop. Because that will make me feel you don’t care.
It’s not a case of manning up or stopping. Wiping your tears away and getting on. Sometimes you just need to fucking cry. Walk away if it’s easier for you. Just walk away because then I’ll know that I can’t be me with you. And that’s better for everyone concerned.
Sometimes everyone needs to cry. If not then it all builds up inside us and becomes something stringy and ugly. Something you can’t untangle.
It’s okay to cry. We can cry at weddings, when love hits us like a missile, when we don’t have anything but a raw emotion which makes us cry. We can cry when people die. We can cry when a tree is in the right sunlight. We can cry at One Born Every Minute and we can cry when we want to.
I only cry when everything is too much in my heart and I don’t know what else to do.
That’s why I cried. I’m sorry it was so hard to see.
I’m so very sorry.