This one goes out to the ones I love

Dear The Ones I Love,

This is not a love letter, more a letter of love and I hope it explains how I feel about you in some way. I know my words and limited creative ability will never be able to do my feelings justice but if, at some point in the future, you decide to read this, then it might show you I was thinking about you right now, and that I wanted to try to write something which could give you a glimpse inside my heart.

Here goes. Hope you don’t think I’m too much of a sap. Remember I can still pick you up and carry you across the room. I’m still taller than you and I’m quite strong. But here is my unashamedly open letter of love.

You make me want to be a better person, a better man and a better human being. Lord knows I’m not perfect, but who is? I just want to be better and with you in my life I know I can be. I want you to be proud of me and I hope I will never let you down.

Nothing is too tough. Ask me and if I can I’ll do it. Always. If I can’t then there has to be a good reason. Like it’s impossible or something, but I’ll give it a shot.

You give me confidence. Somewhere under this outside of me is an inside of me which is quite brittle and cracks easily sometimes. I take things to heart and worry. Overthink. Overanalyse. Yet being with you, seeing you and spending time with you makes me think ‘If this is what I have then, actually, I’m not all that bad.’ And then I can tackle things and deal with things easily and sensibly. Thanks for that.

You give me energy, and breathe life into me when sometimes I have nothing.

I miss you. When I’m not with you I miss you so very much. That sounds shite doesn’t it? ‘So very much’. There’s that thing about not being able to express how I feel in words again. But picture one of your jigsaws with a piece missing. Looks wrong doesn’t it? Well that’s me without you.

I can’t predict the future but if I try it involves you. Me being old and us all sitting somewhere having lunch, in the sunshine. Laughs and shared stories. Reminders of the past. Gentle piss-taking and lots more laughs. A slight feeling of sadness when, as the meal comes to an end, I realise we must part but we’ll part with a ‘see you soon’. As we do now. And the knowledge that we will see each other soon passed through a hug which I won’t want to end.

You being in this world, and in my life, makes it a better place.

The first time I saw you you took my breath away. I held you, I kissed you softly and time stopped for a bit.

I love you with every bone, sinew, muscle… fuck it. With every cell. With every breath. I love you with all I have and with all I am.

Check my face when you wake up in the morning. It’s smiling isn’t it? You do that. Always.

Thank you for the time we spent together recently. I know some of it was tough as there were some bits of ill and some sleeping issues but I loved every second of it. I wish it was every day.

Thinking about you makes me happy.

Making you smile makes me happier.

Being with you makes me happiest.

Yours,

Me.

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